Colton Dixon singing about JESUS.

Paramore

A Cinderella Story :)

The Passion.

I found an old picture of my husband. I can't quite remember what date it was taken from and where we were in that precise moment in our eccentric relationship and why I had it hidden in my wallet. He was a skinny pale looking boy goofing around with one of his highschool bestfriends in the picture. It succumbed me into nostalgia instantly. It got me rummaged into our closet where all his highschool pictures are hidden. I have a small box where I keep all of my husband's pictures as a teenager. It is one of my most prized possesions since we were 15 years old. It is my personal time capsule. Just by looking at it, I feel like gloating :)) everytime I see these pictures, all the butterflies I had in my stomach as a teenager comes rushing back in. Taking me back in highschool, falling in love with my highschool sweetheart all over again. All the love, the cheap thrills of attraction, the chase, the challenges and everything else in between finds its way back in my head, filling my heart with bliss.

I fell in love with this boy in highschool, he broke my heart many times but he was all that I am and all that I was made to be. Then I fell in love with a man who loves me more than I thought he's capable of. I am deeply in love with both of them. And I am the luckiest girl alive to have been married to them both :) I am altruistically in love with this boy and I'm passionately in love with the man he turned out to be. He became more than I had ever hoped for, especially as a father to our daughter. Notwithstanding his imperfections, and with all certainty, he is and always will be the best father to my little princess because he is a man who loves his wife and loves his daughter more, acquiscently.

My heart will forever be grateful to the Lord for by His divine interventions my soul has found its mate, that I married my destiny and fulfilled my fate. All the glory to God! :)

I love you bebang. Always and forevermore. Ikaw lang, habangbuhay! HAPPY 1ST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! <3 p="p">

Contentment

We don't get everything we want. God is good, all the time, He gives us things that we need. Sometimes the things that we want when we deserve them. If God won't give us everything that we deserve, like an extravagant life or a fancy car or unimportant things, we shouldn't question Him. I, perse, am living a good life with my family. I am truly blessed in so many splendid ways. And if there's more I want in life, like material things, I will ask patiently to the Lord. If He answers my prayers, I will be thankful. But if it'll take time for Him to answer, I will also be thankful.

Either way, I am blessed. I am contented. My heart is forever grateful to the Lord for all His blessings. My family and my life are truly blessed. I couldn't ask for anything more in my life. So if there are people richer or superior than I am, I wouldn't envy. Because I have my family. I live everyday blessed and happy.

With all of God's most amazing gifts, I am forever thankful to the Lord :)

SOULMATES!

Bebang :): SOULMATES!

I can't wait to tell our daughter this fairytale! :)
This is the love story of how two souls found each other.

PLS THE CLICK LINK FOR THE STORY :))

PRAY.

According to Paulo Coelho,
When you want something the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it.


I say,
When you want something, pray hard for it. And more than the whole universe will conspire to help you achieve it. Because God is the one who will grant your wishes. For He said, "ask and you shall receive"


God knows what my heart truly desires. For Kera, only the best for her. I know God will provide.

A longtime random rhapsody

february 14, 2011

there are types of arguements that are better left unsaid and undone. there are certain point of views that are better off not liberated from the context of the mind. there are thoughts that are better hidden at the back of its origin.

because in love, it really doesnt matter if you feel sad or disappointed NOW. it will always just go down to one simple certainty. that you will always be loving that person no matter how annoying his actions are. no matter how childish he can get. and no matter how insensitive he seems.

at this point in my rhapsody, i'd like to bombard my mind with thoughts worth thinking of, rather than sulk in a corner and find myself looking for a perfect arguement replacing my frustration with fury.


today, i'm racking my guts to emancipate from emotions that are not essential in living a harmonious life. i only want to accommodate emotions of optimism. i have always been pessimistic, and overwhemingly emotional. but in the midst of puberty and growing up to be an adult, i'd like to eradicate this bad habit. i'd like to think of myself as a growing tree of optimism and faith.

and yes.
my faith is the only thing that never fails me.


because there are times that i fail myself as well. when i sabotage my own thoughts with pessimism and insecurity. ergo, putting myself at the bottom. but who am i to blame other people with my emotions and perceptions? one's opinion is one's own responsibility, that no other is capable of controling over except the person in question. so i figured, i am the only one to blame when i feel down or a little bit weary. for it is "I" who only controls "me". people and other precipitating factors of negative emotions should not be blamed when i feel bad, as well as i don't blame others when i feel happy.


so when i don't feel enthusiastic waking up early or going to work or doing something profitable or accomplishing goals and tasks i'm bound to do or finishing chores or fulfilling my vague thoughts of precise possibility aside from ranting otherwise, i will pick up myself and brush myself up. i'll cut to the chase and just wrap myself with optimism. then, i'll pray to God to shower me with His never-ending patience and understanding. thus, helping me understand people regardless of them not understanding me. also, that i can be patient with all of every day's conquest and life's never-ending journey.


and with all the good things, to God be the glory.

Hayley & fun :D i love you HAYLEY!! :)

note to self!

Little gestures and simple acts of kindness goes a long way. So always try to be a bit more kind, for it never hurts to be nice. And giving is much better than receiving. When we give love, we benefit the most than the receiver. Because we gain not only happiness but also peace of mind and contentment :)

Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Speak well of those who curse you. -Luke 6:27-28

i want to save you from yourself. i love you, bestfriend.

Kera talking to daddy

Colton Dixon - Everything by Lifehouse

Kera.

the many faces of my happiness :)

outburst.

i have a lot of dreams. for my husband and daughter. but it'll take a great deal of patience, time and sacrifice to pull off. yes it is possible but the process of getting there will be quite a handful of emotional rollercoasters.


i am worried how my daughter's future will be like. i mean, what kind of future can we provide her. what kind of lessons will i ever teach her. what kind of parents will we ever be? i am scared, that my husband and i will not be able to provide her everything that she deserves. but, it is out of our hands whatever kind of person will she be or whatever is in store for her in the future, for it is God who knows exactly what the future holds. and in Jesus i have faith that my daughter will turn out to be better than what i'd been.


i am scared of what kind of wife i'll turn out to be. i sometimes give myself a fright when i act selfishly. i am becoming moodier, i know how to nag now, i'm becoming a spoiled brat - everything i told myself i will not be when i get married. i don't wanna be moody, i don't wanna be a nagger wife. and i wanna be the one whose spoiling my husband, not the other way around. from now on, i'll try harder not to turn out like an awful wife. and i won't waste my husband's hardwork, obedience and patience. indeed, he has loved me more than i had expected of him and more than he has loved anyone else.


GOD ABOVE ALL MY HOPES AND FEARS.

what has been :)

2011 has been surreal. i have a lot to be thankful for more than ever. 


i used to just care about myself before. the first thing i did  every morning was to make coffee and have to drink it with cigars. i used to want to go to places and always be with my boyfriend and our friends. i only cared about today, thinking tomorrow is another day and i'd have to deal with everything when i get there. i used to look at the future as too far away to reach yet and i'd just have to enjoy my way to it. my boyfriend and i used to just talk about everything the future has in store for us, life having a family together and getting married. day by day i only thought about myself and the love i have for my true love. i couldn't care less about responsibility. my life WAS all about having fun and going out and about.


then a miracle happened. it was late March when we found out i was pregnant. the first thing i thought of was how to tell our parents. we have a lot more to prove and a lot to do to get there before finally settling down. after we told our parents a week after we found out i was pregnant, everything went past smoothly. it was like everything i have ever hoped for. only i had to swallow my pride and we had to ask our parents to give us support. hehe. nevertheless, it was all a bliss. and after then, everything changed. 


my first trimester was a little hard to get over with. i had to immediately stop smoking as soon as we had found out. i was then 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. i had no choice. but it was all good, it was for my baby. i also had to stop going to work. my ob-gyne prescribed a 3-month bedrest because my blood pressure was off the scale and i had to endure the withdrawal syndrome from smoking with the nausea due to pregnancy. it was excruciating, what i had to go through i wasn't emotionally and physically prepared just yet. but everything had to change, i had to prepare myself in an instant. from then on, the first thing i did upon waking up in the morning was to drink maternal milk, eat a heavy breakfast and avoid everything that is contraindicated with pregnancy. i went through 38 weeks doing such. but it was all worth it. on my 3rd trimester, everything was settled. we were prepared for the baby, i was however still overwhelmed. the thought of me having a child hasn't sunk in yet fully. i still caught myself thinking how will i take good care of my baby and will i ever be good at being a mother. i lifted all my hopes and fears to God. knowing that the only way to do everything right is through and with Him. 


when i got pregnant, my soulmate and i decided to get married. for it is righteous, in the eyes of the Lord and through the eyes of mankind. it was the 27th of August when FOREVER began for us. i was finally Mrs. Ducanes. i've been dreaming to write my lastname and sign papers with that lastname since highschool. i have mastered my signature even then. hahah. my dreams were coming into reality, one by one. all to the glory of God.


then at the day of my 23rd birthday, i also gave birth to the most beautiful baby my eyes had ever layed upon on - Calla Kentara D. Ducanes; it was the most amazing gift that God has ever given me on my birthday. giving birth wasn't easy, although i had a ceasarian delivery, still it was very much painful. but with my husband on my side, never sleeping nor resting, always taking care of kera and i, the pain was a lot easier to bear. all the physical pain was worth it when i look at my daughter, thanking God that she is healthy and prestine. and everytime i realize that my husband has been there for me since day 1 of my pregnancy taking care of me and our baby, i can't help myself to close my eyes and pray to thank God for all the blessings. although, it is unbeknownst to my husband that i appreciate everything he has said and done, i want to divulge my gratitude to him for being a good father and husband :) i love you bebang, always have always will, even at times that i don't show it.


pregnancy. marriage. my daughter. being a wife & a mom. all these happened last year. i had to switch from being single to married, i had to quit smoking, i had to stop drinking caffeine for awhile, and i had to face a massive change in my life - all in a few month's work, all in the glory of God. thank You Lord for everything that my family and i are blessed with. i couldn't ask for anything else in this life. i love You Lord :)


indeed, with all certainty, God is enough :)

Superman.

i had a very scary nightmare last night. 
luckily, even in nightmares, my husband is still my Superman :) 
always there, making me feel better with his hugs and kisses :D

 i love you Kent, to the moon and back :) 
and even at times that i don't show it. ♥

this christmas :)

Christmas is a time for love, thanksgiving & sharing. So this christmas, I will extend an effort to make amends to those whom I have wronged & rekindle friendship with those whom have caused me pain. Now that I am a mom, there should be no space for beckering & pride in my heart. Only love, passion & gratefulness. May we all have a peaceful & blessed yuletide season! :)

11.2.11

It was raining then, like every year on my birthday. Everything happened so fast. None of which were planned. All we had planned for that day is to watch a movie and maybe eat dinner. But God works in wonderful and perfect timing…

We went to the hospital to discuss my delivery with my OB-Gyne, we had it all settled. But my blood pressure was off the scale, and the doctor said we have to deliver the baby or else her health and mine will both be compromised. We had no time to think as I was about to undergo pre-eclampsia, we wasted no time and rushed into the operating room. An hour later, I gave birth to God’s most amazing gift - a healthy beautiful baby girl. Our princess Calla Kentara was born :)

After everything I went through - the headaches, light headedness, hypertension, nausea, vomitting, asthma, allergies, “paglilihi”, healthy diet, medications, sleepless nights, heartburn, constipation and having to give up smoking & abstain from drinking coffee (of which I’m both addicted to). All of these I had to go through, all of which are sincerely worth the pain it caused because everything was for Kera. And if I have to undergo everything all over again a hundred times, I’d gladly do so for my little princess Kera.

The joy of looking at her every waking hour since I gave birth to her. The amazing warmth of her presence. Her priceless smile. The thought of her being my personal miracle (because I believe that babies are gifts from heaven, miracles.) And everything she is makes me happy - the kind of happiness you only find deep in your heart when you’re contented. Thank You Lord God, for my husband & my daughter :) I love you Lord!

And now that I am a mother, I dedicate everything I do for both my husband & daughter. I’m thankful for my understanding & most caring husband whom never left my side since day 1 of my pregnancy until now as we’re both taking care of our baby. I’m thankful for the love he has showered both of us, Kera & I are blessed to have been given a man who can love deeply & unconditionally like my husband, Kent; I’m most thankful for my beautiful, charming, healthy baby princess Kera, whom I will love & cherish for the as long as I shall live and no matter what I will take care of & protect even far more greater than my own life.

I am contented. I am happy. Thank You Lord for my family! To God always be the glory :)

truly blessed :)

i am now a mommy to this beautiful baby girl.

 i cannot ask for anything more. i have more than i want and need :D she's a healthy baby :)

thank you Lord God, for blessing me with the most caring and loving husband and daddy. 

most especially, thank you Lord God for blessing us the most amazing gift and the prettiest baby i've ever seen :)

my little princess, CALLA KENTARA D. DUCANES

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!! :)