what has been :)

2011 has been surreal. i have a lot to be thankful for more than ever. 


i used to just care about myself before. the first thing i did  every morning was to make coffee and have to drink it with cigars. i used to want to go to places and always be with my boyfriend and our friends. i only cared about today, thinking tomorrow is another day and i'd have to deal with everything when i get there. i used to look at the future as too far away to reach yet and i'd just have to enjoy my way to it. my boyfriend and i used to just talk about everything the future has in store for us, life having a family together and getting married. day by day i only thought about myself and the love i have for my true love. i couldn't care less about responsibility. my life WAS all about having fun and going out and about.


then a miracle happened. it was late March when we found out i was pregnant. the first thing i thought of was how to tell our parents. we have a lot more to prove and a lot to do to get there before finally settling down. after we told our parents a week after we found out i was pregnant, everything went past smoothly. it was like everything i have ever hoped for. only i had to swallow my pride and we had to ask our parents to give us support. hehe. nevertheless, it was all a bliss. and after then, everything changed. 


my first trimester was a little hard to get over with. i had to immediately stop smoking as soon as we had found out. i was then 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. i had no choice. but it was all good, it was for my baby. i also had to stop going to work. my ob-gyne prescribed a 3-month bedrest because my blood pressure was off the scale and i had to endure the withdrawal syndrome from smoking with the nausea due to pregnancy. it was excruciating, what i had to go through i wasn't emotionally and physically prepared just yet. but everything had to change, i had to prepare myself in an instant. from then on, the first thing i did upon waking up in the morning was to drink maternal milk, eat a heavy breakfast and avoid everything that is contraindicated with pregnancy. i went through 38 weeks doing such. but it was all worth it. on my 3rd trimester, everything was settled. we were prepared for the baby, i was however still overwhelmed. the thought of me having a child hasn't sunk in yet fully. i still caught myself thinking how will i take good care of my baby and will i ever be good at being a mother. i lifted all my hopes and fears to God. knowing that the only way to do everything right is through and with Him. 


when i got pregnant, my soulmate and i decided to get married. for it is righteous, in the eyes of the Lord and through the eyes of mankind. it was the 27th of August when FOREVER began for us. i was finally Mrs. Ducanes. i've been dreaming to write my lastname and sign papers with that lastname since highschool. i have mastered my signature even then. hahah. my dreams were coming into reality, one by one. all to the glory of God.


then at the day of my 23rd birthday, i also gave birth to the most beautiful baby my eyes had ever layed upon on - Calla Kentara D. Ducanes; it was the most amazing gift that God has ever given me on my birthday. giving birth wasn't easy, although i had a ceasarian delivery, still it was very much painful. but with my husband on my side, never sleeping nor resting, always taking care of kera and i, the pain was a lot easier to bear. all the physical pain was worth it when i look at my daughter, thanking God that she is healthy and prestine. and everytime i realize that my husband has been there for me since day 1 of my pregnancy taking care of me and our baby, i can't help myself to close my eyes and pray to thank God for all the blessings. although, it is unbeknownst to my husband that i appreciate everything he has said and done, i want to divulge my gratitude to him for being a good father and husband :) i love you bebang, always have always will, even at times that i don't show it.


pregnancy. marriage. my daughter. being a wife & a mom. all these happened last year. i had to switch from being single to married, i had to quit smoking, i had to stop drinking caffeine for awhile, and i had to face a massive change in my life - all in a few month's work, all in the glory of God. thank You Lord for everything that my family and i are blessed with. i couldn't ask for anything else in this life. i love You Lord :)


indeed, with all certainty, God is enough :)